“One can hardly think too little of one’s self. One can hardly think too much of one’s soul.” GK Chesterton

There is nothing more narcissistic than pointing out how narcissistic everyone else is, so I will avoid that perilous trap by affixing the communal words “we” and “us” throughout this blog post, ensuring my enormous ego is adequately acknowledged.

A terrifically popular show called “Black Mirror” explores how technology enables the darker parts of our nature to flourish. The name, Black Mirror, symbolizes the blank screens we look at, reflecting parts of ourselves we wish not to see.

One Episode, “Nosedive,” is set in a world where every human interaction is rated on a 5-star scale, causing everyone to be “fake friendly” to each other to boost their rating. The protagonist’s life falls apart spectacularly as each successive interaction lowers her rating, thus excluding her from society because her rating is too low, and frustrating her to the point of lashing out at others, thus creating a vicious cycle ending in social and psychological collapse.

This episode weaves many afflictions of the modern world together beautifully. The Comodification of relationships, lack of privacy, and internet bullying. But, I will focus on how life on the internet demands us to create an image of ourselves. The problem is we confuse who we actually are with the image we are trying curate and show off to others.

This turns everyone into a celebrity. We have all seen the biopic films of Queen, Elton John, or Elvis, where the image of the celebrity becomes bigger than the actual person. This kicks off a series of events where the celebrity abandons their family and friends who got them there and subsequently becomes addicted to some drug. 

The internet has created an environment where we all experience these issues on a smaller scale. We all become mini-celebrities curating an image for others in the hopes of impressing people who are not present.

We also have the problem of choice. Should I watch my favorite Youtuber, go on tik tok, listen to my Spotify playlist, or argue with random people on Twitter?  We can now choose who to pay attention to on a global level. My personal issue is podcasts. I have a list of podcasts I listen to weekly where I feel more connected to the podcasters than people physically around me.

Ultimately, the internet is a black mirror that lets us dive into our own world and make our world bigger.

These internet-amplified problems wreak havoc in modern dating and relationships. The scientific literature shows the best predictor of relationship satisfaction is how often people accept “Bids for Connection.” These bids are such good predictors of relationship success that they are basically all that a relationship is. 

A bid for connection is any way you reach out to another person and ask them for their attention. It could be a joke, an observation, a favor, a story, or a hug among other things.

Bids for connection go beyond romantic relationships. They are integral to all the relationships we build and how we relate to the world. Each bid is a chance for us to see the world through someone else’s eyes. A chance to see the world in a new way. A chance to understand someone else on a deeper level.

This is the great value of humility. You get to enter other people’s worlds. You are constantly confronted with many different realities. It gives you so much to be curious about. It gives you the opportunity to meet and learn from new people and experiences. It makes life an adventure.

Life is a lot more interesting when you are a small person in a big world.