There is a piffy scene in How I Met your Mother (starting @ 2:10) where Ted is skeptical that he needs a science-based matchmaker to find his future wife, only to be bullied by said matchmaker with a calculator. 

The Matchmaker uses Demographic data, probabilities, and compatibility guesstimates to slowly whittle the 9 million New Yorkers to 8 potential women. Ted caves under the pressure of the impossibility in finding one of those 8 women and signs up for the service, only to find out, by unfortunate probability, he doesn’t have a single match.

I have always loved this scene, probably due to my love of data and probabilities. I have decided to test this theory myself and see how many fish there are in Raliegh:

We will start with a general count of how many Single women there are: 1.8 million people live in the Raleigh Durham area. 50% of them are women. Assuming an appropriate Age Range of 24-34, Census data indicates about 13% of the population is in that age range. Pew Research says about 35% of those are single. And only 50% of them are looking for a relationship. 93% are straight. That leaves us with 19,042 total available women. Or roughly 1% of the population.

But we also have to account for compatibility. These weights, I admit, are more subjective and would change depending on the person. Hopefully, I would meet someone of roughly similar levels of intelligence (20%), with mutual attraction (20%), and similar values/life goals/philosophy/religious perspectives (only 10% due to the Babelling of America). Even with all of this, you may have different interests or hobbies (35%). Leaving 27 compatible women out of 1,800,000 people. Or 0.0015% of all the people in Raliegh.

I’m not done. There is one X-Factor that, even if a woman has all of those qualities, might still prevent it from working out. That’s the ineffable spark. At least for me, there has to be that intuitive feel of trust and comfort around that person. I can feel the collective eye roll of all those married people out there. “Doesn’t he know the spark fades?” I do know, but married people forget how hard it is to get a relationship going without it. It’s damn near impossible. 

It’s hard to put a percentage on it, but if she has all those other qualities, I am going to guess 33% for the sake of getting on with the blog. For a final tally of 9 women in Raliegh (0.0005%).

Intuitively and based on experience, this seems about right to me. When I was in a bad mental state, this thought was depressing to me. How are you supposed to find a needle in a haystack this massive? 

For me, the answer is Radical Openness. Improv, Volleyball, Soccer, Creative Writing Class, Join Instagram(even though I hate social media), write a blog, Meetups, dating apps, AI dating, and just meet as many people as you possibly can. Even if you don’t meet them, you may meet someone who can set you up.

Unfortunately, it’s more than finding the person. You must also strike up a conversation that creates chemistry, attraction, and connection. 

Against such long odds, what ought we do? Well, thankfully, life is not rational. Everything that happens in the universe is virtually impossible until it happens. 

Scientists say that 99.999…% of all possible universes collapse into nothingness or explode into emptiness. We just happen to live in a perfectly tuned universe that has giant floating rocks🪐 that circle gianter explosions ⭐. And one of those rocks has the right amount of elements and stays at the perfect temperature for life to flourish. Then, out of billions of species, one emerged with abstract intelligence. Then, each one of us survived the traumatic events of childhood, making our way through a dangerous world where one wrong decision can end it all. Yet, here we all are.

If you have beaten all of those odds, then you can find love. Beating the odds is what we do. Being rational is not.

Some Pictures from my trip up to Louisville for my neice’s, Juliana, Baptism. And my first fall in 7 years. The drive up to Louisville was gorgeous, especially through West Virginia.