A friend in Austin recently chided me for not discussing my feelings in the blog. I admit guilt. I hold these pesky feelings back because of my fear of all things internet and because I tend to intellectualize everything, as evidenced by the assortment of topical posts in the blog. I will do a series of posts about the most persistent emotions and how I deal with them. Alas, let’s dive in. 

We make most of our decisions reasoning by analogy. Which means we look at what others are doing and mimic them. Especially those that are succeeding. There is nothing inherently wrong with this method. If you don’t know what to do, following another’s lead is sensible.

However, the people who tend to change the game and push the world forward typically reason from first principles. Unfortunately, most crazy people also reason from first principles. So, it’s kind of a high-risk, high-reward strategy.

If everyone is telling you, “You are crazy,” there is a 90% chance you are crazy and a 10% chance you have seen something no one else has.

Ultimately, most people prefer going down with the Titanic, knowing they made the same mistake as everyone else, rather than circumnavigating the globe in a sailboat with everyone telling them they’re gonna die alone.

The most exciting part of this adventure for me is that it’s the first adventure I have gone on where the vision was entirely my own. I came up with it based on reasoning from first principles, knowing the full context of my life.

This is a blessing. But, it comes with a persistent feeling of self-doubt. 

I go to events where I know no one. I tell brand new acquaintances I am ‘nomadding’ or ‘wife-hunting.’ I have nothing to do if I don’t have the courage to find things to do and go do them. I spend nights alone. If I fail, I have nobody to blame but myself.

In these moments, I experience self-doubt. Am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy? There may be good reasons why this is the first time anyone is doing this.

I have had these feelings in the past. I have them now. Then it stands to reason I will likely have them in the future. So, How do I deal with them?

The most potent tool is framing.

Framing is the default perspective you take when finding out new information. The most recognizable of these would be the Optimist vs Pessimist. 

The Optimist frames the world by expecting their sports team to win, bets it all on black, and ardently believes Tupac is still alive. Ironically, this makes them miserable because the world constantly falls short of their expectation.

The Pessimist frames the world expecting to get broken up with, World War 3, and an undefeated perfect Florida State football team to get snubbed from the “playoffs” by a bunch of empty suit wearing, corporate, mother… control yourself. Again, ironically, this leads to light-heartedness because every good thing is a pleasant surprise that exceeds your expectations.

Unfortunately, being a pessimist is hacky because we all have high hopes and dreams and it’s fake to ignore them. But we do have a choice over how we frame the emotions and experiences of life. Some frames guarantee hopelessness, helplessness, and healthlessness(I just needed another ‘h’). Other frames can transform your life.

Some of my favorite frames: 

• Instead of always trying to be right, I am proud of myself anytime I admit I am wrong. I’d rather have a posture of learning than be a know-it-all.
• For first dates, rather than analyze if I am compatible with someone, I try to be curious about them and be grateful to meet a new person and learn about their life.
• When I feel discouraged, lost, or tired, I remind myself that I signed up for this. If I’m not uncomfortable and challenged, then I am probably not growing. That’s the life I want. So, why be surprised when it’s hard?

It’s a little self-helpy. Sounds like something out of Forrest Gump. But, it ain’t wrong.

Life Update: Having a lot of fun in Austin a couple months in.

Two-Stepping my way across Texas. Did a bit of Salsa too.

Also, had a nice hike through Zilker Park.