“Children are now tyrants not servants of their household. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.” – Socrates

At the ripe old age of 27, I discovered the sheer pleasure of looking at those younger than me and thinking, “What is wrong with them?” 

27 struck me as too young an age to become crotchety. 

Maybe I misunderstood the moral in Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol” and had a little too much empathy for Ebenezer Scrooge. Or maybe I watched a few too many SNL weekend updates with Drunk Uncle. Or maybe complaining about the youths of our day just suits my character.

In the olden days, crotchety old folks yelled, “Hey, you kids! Get off my lawn!” Ironically, today, the curmudgeonly among us say, “Where did all the kids go? I don’t see them on anyone’s lawn. They are probably stuck inside tiktokking a Greta Thunburg!” 

At 32, I am starting to think I am not the only one. My generation, the Millennials, who created most tech companies in the internet era, are already giving off serious old-man vibes.

Thus, the Crotchety Acceleration Hypothesis was born.

Jean Piaget theorized that humans go through a messianic phase in late adolescence, where we become hypersensitized to the world, discover our place in it, and dream of how we can transform it.

From 18-22, you know the coolest new artists, dress in the latest fashion, and develop your first political beliefs. Not only do you know what is hip, but you are hip. 

(Well, some of us were never hip. In fact, some of us are so unhip that we still use the word ‘hip,’ even though it was never hip to use the word ‘hip.’)

The way the world is in our late teens and early twenties becomes imprinted on our minds and sticks with us as we age. Then, when the world changes, we feel left behind and judge the ones changing it. Thus, we become crotchety.

In Socretean times, the world changed very slowly. Technology moved at a glacial pace. Ideas were harder to transmit and thus were slower to change. But, the world would change gradually– still enough for the above Socrates’ quote to sound as if it was spoken yesterday.

Pre-1990s, I would guess it took about 20 years, from 22 years old to 42 years old, for someone to look at the world and feel it had left them behind. Then, in another 20 years, at 62, they are lost at sea looking for land.

But, now, culture is changing faster. Not only is it changing faster, it’s accelerating.

Movies are out of fashion. They are too long. TikTok grabs the attention better. Ivy League students don’t even read books anymore. Jojo Siwa. Airpods. Paw Patrol. What are us old folks to do? 

Cultural change that used to take a generation (20 years) is now taking only 5 years, which justifies me having the crotchitiness of a 62-year-old despite my 32 years.

I mean… look at me. It’s almost 2025, yet I am blogging like it’s 2010.

Crotchitiness has several sources. The undeniable pleasure of complaining. The built up resentment towards a world that has forgotten you. But most importantly, the bittersweet nostalgia of a society, some old friends, and former loves gone by.

Exhibit A below:

Life Update: I’ve taken advantage of the fall weather with a weekend hiking group.

Some people get way too close to the cliff.