When I introduce my digital nomad dating journey to people in relationships, the reaction is usually positive intrigue. They say, “What a great thing to do while you are young!” Even though I am not that young…

Amongst singles, I still usually get a positive reaction. However, it’s fairly common to see that familiar cocking of the eyebrow accompanied by a look that says, “You are doing what? Red Flag. You are breaking the golden rule of dating.”

I knew this from the jump. In my head, dating, while a significant part of the journey, was not the sole motivation. If it was the sole motivation, it would complicate any dating I actually did.

Only when talking to others, when they zeroed in on the dating motivation, was I convinced to blog about it. Especially since I was yearning to start writing about anything I could.

So what is the Golden Rule of Dating?

Don’t go on a romantic journey to find love, and definitely don’t write a blog about it. 

Well, yes. For me, at least. And I broke it. I did so because, unfortunately, I am prone to thinking rules are beneath me. But, it’s too specific. A broader rule would be:

Don’t make dating your sole focus in life. It will happen naturally when you least expect it.

This is better, but not quite right. In your late 20s and 30s, you must make an effort, or nothing will happen. Especially for guys. A deeper version would be:

Don’t be desperate!

Desperation attracts desperation. It pulls people out of the moment and leads to bonding with people you shouldn’t. But, most singles want a relationship. So, how do you want a relationship and not be desperate?

Accept being single, even if it means it for life.

Accepting the full range of possible outcomes is not only admirable but also advantageous for relationships. It reduces pressure and expectation. It draws us back into the present because the future is not guaranteed anyway. Important, but a more positive rule:

Live a great life. Dating always works out best when it comes along for the ride.

There is a new concept called ‘F You Money,’ where someone is rich enough not to need anyone else for money. In this case, you would never stay in a job you didn’t like. This gives you inherent negotiating power over anyone. Anyone who asks you to do something you don’t want, you just say ‘F You. I am out.’ Despite it’s crassness, it’s a useful concept.

The same could be said in dating. Live an ‘F you Life.’ In this case, you only enter relationships that add to your life. That can help you both to enter a growth relationship instead of a codependent one.

When you live an F You Life, you easily set boundaries, go at the right pace, and be present while connecting with a date. There are so many gifts in the present moment that can only be realized when we let go of our future expectations.

So, no. I don’t talk about my journey as much as I used to in conversation. 

When I talk about it, it pulls many people out of the moment and makes them start making all sorts of assumptions. As described in my Pimp vs Simp post. My goal in conversation is to bring people into the present.

That’s why this blog isn’t actually about me and it’s not even about dating either. It’s about living a meaningful life, connecting with people, and searching for a place to call home in this strange world.

Life Update: Saw my first snow in 8 years or so. Once was enough. Also, learned Dogs have no shame in marking their territory on a snowman.