When you have a good metaphor, you must beat it to death. I built this blog on the thesis that the internet has turned our world into the Tower of Babel, and I have no shame in beating this metaphor to death. 

And the babelling of the sexes, despite being a delightfully fun phrase to say aloud, is much more destructive and less entertaining than Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs ‘Battle of the Sexes’ tennis match.

When people in long-term relationships consider the current dating chaos, they say, “I am so glad I am not single anymore and don’t have to deal with all that craziness.”

I wish I could tell them it’s not that bad, but based on my conversations with lots of single people, there is near universal agreement that it is. 

How did it get so bad? Is it the dating apps, social media, or the fact that all the dating rules are gone? Well, yes, those contribute, but the most worrying trend may be that the internet is divided by gender.

As a recent NY Times podcast put it (and my own experience), Men are from YouTube and Women are from TikTok. There is something about the algorithms that appeal to different genders. The platforms push content that divides men and women not just on politics but also on views of relationships, not just in the US but worldwide.

Male content is frequently referred to as the ‘manosphere.’ I don’t believe there is a quippy name for female content, so I’ll call it the ‘girlternet’ for this post.

Many want to stereotype the manosphere as misogynistic, but that’s a lazy generalization. Tons of creators have very different philosophies. Andrew Tate may get headlines, but Chris Williamson, Dr. K, and Connor Beaton have lots of great content for navigating your emotions and relationships maturely.

However, like the news, the most sensational stories bubble to the top. The man who cheats on his wife, who has cancer. Or the women who encourage others to use dating apps to get free meals off guys.

If you search the internet for a story that confirms your bias, you will always find one. And so it goes with dating.

Singles frustrated by a breakup, lack of success, or a pattern of disappointment can go to the Internet and have all of their resentments validated. These resentments can harden into attitudes about how the other gender behaves.

Now, the next date you go on you have brought emotional baggage by placing expectations on someone you have never met. And, likely, the way you act will create a vicious cycle that only confirms your negative attitude.

And, thus, we have Babel.

There is a profound chasm in how men and women talk and think about the world, and they can no longer communicate.

How can this be solved? I wish we could just listen to the better angels of the Internet, who can teach us how to communicate more effectively. But I am not sure that’s enough.

Good dating advice would be, ‘Don’t sweat rejection. It’s all part of the process. Move on, and you’ll find a better fit.’

But, in the age of dating apps, you can get rejected more times in one day than a typical person in the past would have gotten rejected in their whole life. Dating isn’t on a personal scale. Not even on an industrial scale. It’s on a global scale.

So many options. So many first dates. So many failures.

Any good dating advice could eventually ring hollow in such an environment.

The only answer is boundaries. I am building mandatory phoneless/internetless time into each day to let my mind wander, deleting dating apps for extended periods, and considering getting a timed phone lock box.

Many of us have experimented with these types of things. They work well until laziness takes over, and we stop using them. However, we will become more sophisticated about setting these boundaries. Even tech may help us limit our tech time.

We may all sit and watch as the Tower of Babel is building straight into the skies, but we can also get up and leave. Touch grass. Chat up a stranger. Make a horrible dad joke and laugh at yourself.

Life Update: My nephew, Trey, won a playoff game to great fanfare before the end of his high school basketball career. I was lucky to get home to see it.