In this vast reductive space, we call the ‘internet,’ all single men can safely be categorized as a simp or a pimp. 

A simp is a modern meme that, in the olden days, would likely be described as ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’ or a ‘Beta Male.’ Simps can often be found pining after women who have no interest in them, being excessively nice in the hopes of getting others’ approval, and posting complimentary comments on Instagram to models who have no idea who he is.

As you can tell from the above description, it is not flattering, nor is it something to aspire to. Yet, when browsing the interwebs, it can feel like the simpocalypse has occured.

One may object: “What’s wrong with being a nice guy?” Most single women would tell you the problem with “nice” guys is that they are rarely nice. And more often manipulative.

Unfortunately, the underbelly of the internet provides one other alternative. That is to treat women as an enemy to conquer. In the Andrew Tate world, you use pick-up artist hacks to gain control over women, suppress any weak emotions, and hook up with as many women as you can. 

In other words, be a pimp—another less-than-inspiring choice.

If you live in certain Reddit forums or Discord servers, this binary is stark. In real life, you will still find these opinions in lesser forms. I daresay I have been accused of both pimping and simping for partaking in this journey, primarily by men.

A few have dubbed my journey ‘the trail of tears,’ presuming I am traveling the country to break a few hearts and carelessly date around. There is skepticism that quality women would date someone in my position because they would see me as flaky, thrill-seeking, or a player.

Others find it the ultimate simp move. Traveling the country seeking the approval of a woman… oof. They think no quality woman would date a guy who is that desperate.

This dramatic juxtaposition is why the ‘manosphere’ has such a bad reputation. The manosphere is a wide expanse of the internet where men congregate. It includes the aforementioned Discord/Reddit and ranges from Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson to Andrew Tate. Heck, Hikaru Nakamura, a chess super grandmaster who streams chess matches on Twitch, could be tangentially included.

I think it’s why 55% of single women list listening to Joe Rogan as a Red Flag. Along with some other gems in that poll.

In reality, most men who have dated more than a handful of women have probably pimped or simped mildly at some point. Simpyness and pimpyness are common patterns of behavior, but there are principles that provide a third way.

• In dating, the difference between desperation and intentionality is holding to standards based on your values.
• The difference between approval-seeking niceness and being actively kind to others is setting firm boundaries.
• The difference between pick-up artistry tricks and building a genuine connection is articulating a clear and positive vision for your life.

I have been too harsh to the internet in this post because many podcasters and internet influencers advocate for this third way, and many of them are quite popular.

Ultimately, the root cause of simping and pimping is the same: personal insecurity. If you’re simping, you are trying to compensate for your low self-esteem by being excessively friendly. If you’re pimping, you are hiding yourself behind a mask of indifference because you don’t like the look you see in the mirror.

Life Update: Still loving Austin. It is amazing how many things there are to do here.

Did a Bob Ross painting with some friends. Not bad for someone with no artistic talent.

Reminds me of party I went to in College. Yes this photoshopped picture was actually on the invitation: