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The Purpose Driven Date

  • Finding a Path Forward

    April 21st, 2024

    Note: Sorry about the long delay between posts. This post is much longer and about an important topic to me. I wanted to make sure I did it justice, so I had a number of discussions with Haitians to get their opinions. 

    Also, remember to subscribe to the blog:

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    When I think of life in Haiti, I remember playing basketball under the coconut and palm trees as the sunset. The sound of Compa music (or All of Me by John Legend, which was the only song on the radio for eight months), motorcycles, with pigs squealing and goats screaming incessantly in the background. Looking up at the stars in the true dark of night, a view you can only get in a developing country.     

    I remember the security guards playing dominoes and watching futbol matches on the weekends. The easiness of being present with one another, as I didn’t have a smart phone. The joys of community life: cooking for others, cleaning for others, and relying on each other for all of our needs being met. 

    I fondly remember joking around in class with brilliant and ambitious students, along with several class clowns. They were bright-eyed and hopeful, ready to take advantage of every opportunity. Many would come after class asking me about economics. They saw economics as the way out for a country beset by poverty. 

    I remember shoveling compost, digging holes, and crushing rocks as we built and maintained the school. Altogether, we would sweat while working under the hot Haitian sun. At the end of the week, our community would enjoy a bottle of Prestige or Rhum made right in the heart of the Caribbean.

    But most of all, I remember how easy it was to be grateful. Grateful for the food on my plate, the community surrounding me, and the purposefulness of my work. Gratitude comes easy when you are unsure of what will come tomorrow.

    Unfortunately, tomorrow has come in Haiti, and it didn’t bring what we had all hoped. Clearly, I have no shortage of words to describe the delight of living in Haiti and all of the great and kind people I met there, but it is also a country that endures unrelenting suffering.

    I try to live my life as apolitically as I can. Politics often brings out the worst in people, so I have kept it out of this blog. However, as a disclaimer, this post can’t avoid politics because of the devastation it has wrecked on a country I love. Those who read this blog for its brevity, hopeless romanticism, and light comic touch may want to stop reading. 

    Usually, Haitian political drama doesn’t find its way into the news as it is a small and poor country. However, in the last few years, the breakdown in society has become so profound that I am sure most of the readers of this blog have seen it pop into the news.

    As a brief overview, after years of intense protest against the government, President Jovenel Moise was assassinated three years ago by Colombian mercenaries. The government lacked a legitimate succession plan because elections were already overdue and delayed. The Prime Minister, Ariel Henry, who had only just been appointed as Prime Minister, took power in a constitutional grey area. The US recognized him as the head of the Haitian state despite the widespread view of illegitimacy.

    Haiti desperately needed elections to restore leadership and the constitution. But, elections never came as gang violence gripped the country. Many claimed peaceful elections were not possible under the constraints. First, the government needed to regain control of the gangs, and then elections could be scheduled.

    The gangs only grew more powerful. They took over large portions of Port-Au-Prince and extracted tariffs. They raided the airport and gas supply lines, holding the capital hostage and creating a shortage of electricity.

    Over the last few years, schools, hospitals, and businesses have intermittently been shuttered, causing a humanitarian crisis on a mass scale. Kids are starving, malnourished, and missing crucial years of schooling. Women are scared to go in the street as the threat of sexual violence looms. Inflation has skyrocketed, making it difficult for the population to afford the necessities of life. 

    Many Haitians have fled to the United States, either trying to cross the border with Mexico or applying for Biden’s 2-year Parole program. This, more than anything, has caused the US to notice Haiti’s descent.

    In the past month, Ariel Henry was forced to resign. He traveled to Kenya in the hopes of recruiting Kenyan police to support the government against the gangs. When he tried to re-enter the country, the gangs took over the airport, and his flight was diverted. 

    When it became clear he could not return to Haiti safely, he resigned, though he was already seen as illegitimate, leaving the country leaderless. Also, the gangs orchestrated a mass breakout of the country’s largest prison.

    That brings us to today. The debate over the future of the country has never been louder. 

    Many Haitians and international observers are clamoring for an international force to restore order, at least enough to hold elections. Many critics point out the abysmal historical record of international interference in Haiti.

    The narrative that virtually all of Haiti’s problems can be reduced to foreign interventions is the only one you hear on the news. I don’t contest most of the claims made for this narrative, but there are many benefits provided by some foreign actors.

    Non-profits educate many Haitian children in Haiti. Many scholarship programs help Haitians get an education. Despite often crowding out Haitian doctors, many Western healthcare professionals save the lives of the poor.      

    When I first arrived in Haiti, there was some skepticism among the populace around foreigners, but overall most Haitians were glad to have us and hopeful for collaboration. 

    But, most of what you see in the media focuses on the many spectacular failures of foreigners.    

    From its founding to about 70 years ago, Haiti was excluded from the international community for corrupt and often racist reasons. 

    France forced Haiti to pay reparations for the land lost during the revolution, the US occupied the country in the 1920s and 30s, and the Catholic Church withdrew from the country for an extended period at France’s behest.

    During the Cold War, the US was friendly with the brutal Duvalier dictatorship to keep communism out of the country. After the Earthquake, the Clinton Foundation, International Red Cross, and UN failed the country spectacularly. Aid did not get where it was supposed to, homelessness was actively facilitated, and a cholera epidemic broke out due to these actors.

    Bill Clinton decimated Haitian rice farmers when he convinced the country to drop agricultural tariffs, thus allowing subsidized American rice to flood the market at a lower price. 

    These are the oft-cited and just criticisms of foreign interference gone awry perpetrated by governments and non-profits, among others.

    However, there is another side to the story.  

    The profound failures of the Haitian political class and private sector, who intentionally dismantled Haitian institutions to protect their power.

    The Duvalier dictatorship, which lasted from 1955 to 1987, weakened civil society, the private sector, and centralized all business in power in Port-Au-Prince. The primary goal was to eliminate any threats to their power.

    After they were overthrown, democracy was established with the help of Jean Bertrand Aristide. He subsequently won the first presidential election in 1991. 

    What followed was a tumultuous period where the military executed a coup d’etat and sent him into exile. Following his return from exile, he dismantled the military and started siphoning money from state sources to fund gangs that could disrupt the activities of his political opponents.

    This started a vicious cycle where using political office to strike corrupt deals to fund gang activities became the norm. The gangs consisted of young male migrants from the countryside who moved into Cite Soleil and had no job prospects. These gangs were often unarmed and mainly functioned as protestors and public nuisances. 

    Unfortunately, These largely nonviolent gangs are the progenitors to the gangs that have taken over the country today. It has become essential in Haitian politics to use gangs to achieve your ends.

    One of the key arguments against foreign intervention is that the US and French governments kidnapped Aristide and forced him into exile during his second term in the early 2000s. This fact is hotly contested by those present when Aristide went into exile.

    None of this excuses the corruption, incompetence, and exclusion foreign actors have consistently exercised in Haiti. It gives more context to the key problem that has faced Haiti for a long time.   

    The average Haitian citizen is disempowered from participating in their lives and country on every level. 

    If you are a young poor Haitian and defy the odds and get an education, your opportunities are bleak.  

    As an entrepreneur, you have to fear stepping on the toes of the existing domestic businesses that lash out aggressively at any perceived competition.  

    As a doctor, you will have difficulty finding work as most healthcare in Haiti is provided by foreign doctors for free. Those foreign doctors rarely provide paid employment for the local doctors. If you happen to get a job at the national hospital, you can expect to get paid years late. 

    As a journalist, you’ll be constantly threatened and smeared by politicians and gangs, causing you to fear for your life. 

    As a politician, survival requires funding gangs to support your causes. 

    I could go on. 

    Most Haitians are disillusioned. They see the best strategy as keeping their head down, finding small opportunities to scrape a living together for food and water, and surviving until tomorrow. Even this has become increasingly difficult amidst the chaos and insecurity.

    I know my voice is inconsequential in this whole conflict. I can only say that I hope the people in power can put their egos aside, end the suffering, and put the common Haitians’ interests above their own. 

    I still have hope for a future where normal Haitians can work with dignity, participate in civic institutions without fear, and enjoy the beautiful country they can call their own.

    My heart is broken. Some suffering is beyond words.

    Much of the information in this post came from the book “Haiti Will Not Perish” By Michael Deibert.

  • A Pimp or a Simp?

    March 24th, 2024

    In this vast reductive space, we call the ‘internet,’ all single men can safely be categorized as a simp or a pimp. 

    A simp is a modern meme that, in the olden days, would likely be described as ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’ or a ‘Beta Male.’ Simps can often be found pining after women who have no interest in them, being excessively nice in the hopes of getting others’ approval, and posting complimentary comments on Instagram to models who have no idea who he is.

    As you can tell from the above description, it is not flattering, nor is it something to aspire to. Yet, when browsing the interwebs, it can feel like the simpocalypse has occured.

    One may object: “What’s wrong with being a nice guy?” Most single women would tell you the problem with “nice” guys is that they are rarely nice. And more often manipulative.

    Unfortunately, the underbelly of the internet provides one other alternative. That is to treat women as an enemy to conquer. In the Andrew Tate world, you use pick-up artist hacks to gain control over women, suppress any weak emotions, and hook up with as many women as you can. 

    In other words, be a pimp—another less-than-inspiring choice.

    If you live in certain Reddit forums or Discord servers, this binary is stark. In real life, you will still find these opinions in lesser forms. I daresay I have been accused of both pimping and simping for partaking in this journey, primarily by men.

    A few have dubbed my journey ‘the trail of tears,’ presuming I am traveling the country to break a few hearts and carelessly date around. There is skepticism that quality women would date someone in my position because they would see me as flaky, thrill-seeking, or a player.

    Others find it the ultimate simp move. Traveling the country seeking the approval of a woman… oof. They think no quality woman would date a guy who is that desperate.

    This dramatic juxtaposition is why the ‘manosphere’ has such a bad reputation. The manosphere is a wide expanse of the internet where men congregate. It includes the aforementioned Discord/Reddit and ranges from Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson to Andrew Tate. Heck, Hikaru Nakamura, a chess super grandmaster who streams chess matches on Twitch, could be tangentially included.

    I think it’s why 55% of single women list listening to Joe Rogan as a Red Flag. Along with some other gems in that poll.

    In reality, most men who have dated more than a handful of women have probably pimped or simped mildly at some point. Simpyness and pimpyness are common patterns of behavior, but there are principles that provide a third way.

    • In dating, the difference between desperation and intentionality is holding to standards based on your values.
    • The difference between approval-seeking niceness and being actively kind to others is setting firm boundaries.
    • The difference between pick-up artistry tricks and building a genuine connection is articulating a clear and positive vision for your life.

    I have been too harsh to the internet in this post because many podcasters and internet influencers advocate for this third way, and many of them are quite popular.

    Ultimately, the root cause of simping and pimping is the same: personal insecurity. If you’re simping, you are trying to compensate for your low self-esteem by being excessively friendly. If you’re pimping, you are hiding yourself behind a mask of indifference because you don’t like the look you see in the mirror.

    Life Update: Still loving Austin. It is amazing how many things there are to do here.

    Did a Bob Ross painting with some friends. Not bad for someone with no artistic talent.

    Reminds me of party I went to in College. Yes this photoshopped picture was actually on the invitation:

  • Math vs Magic

    March 9th, 2024

    Uh Oh… I plagiarized the title. 

    There is an episode of ‘This American Life’ that plays with the opposing viewpoints of love being a numbers game vs love being a magical bit of connection that you just can’t predict. Funnily enough, the episode was sent to me by my college ex.

    Conversations with my readership give me the impression that most people think I fall into the former camp. I am a data nerd, and data nerds don’t believe in magic. But, I thought my choice to take on this ludicrous adventure would convince people of the latter. Maybe I am a star-gazing romantic waiting for his mystical moment of love at first sight.

    Let’s play with these warring factions and find out.

    The ‘numbers game’ mindset sees dating as a market. First, reflect on yourself. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are you looking for? What are your standards? Deal-Breakers? Life Goals? Compatibilities? 

    Then, reflect on what the market can provide. How many suitors out there have the correct height, weight, and eye color? People with similar life goals? Same values/life philosophy?

    Once you have this, meet as many people as possible who meet the criteria and see if compatibility holds in person. When you find someone who checks all the boxes, hope you check all their boxes.

    This horrifies the ‘Magic’ mindset. It sounds desperate and unnatural, and most of all, it reduces love to a math problem.

    They’ll say: Love only happens when you least expect it. Some sort of meet-cute will happen and then a will they won’t they love story will ensue. Ross and Rachel from Friends ya know!

    Love is hard to understand and uncontrollable. It lies within the unknown reaches of our subconscious and out in the world with incomprehensible timing. There might even be “the one” and subtle forces are leading you towards each other.

    Which is right?

    Well… Both. The numbers gamers have invented dating apps and unknowingly opened the pandoras box of human mating psychology—more on dating apps in a later post.

    Once you give people the chance to filter people out by age, height, job status, then they will value the shallower attributes because those are easier to filter by. What gets measured gets managed. And when you give people the opportunity to go on infinite dates, they value and expect less from each date. Which actually multiplicatively lowers the odds of forming a relationship. 

    For example, in the past, it was hard to get a date, so if you had one you would be sufficiently excited that you would want to make it work, let’s say 50% of the time. Where now, it’s easy to find a date online so you may lower your expectations to a 10% chance of it turning into a relationship. 

    But both people have to agree for a relationship to take place. So, 50%* 50% = 25% chance of a relationship forming in the olden days. Nowadays, 10%* 10% = 1% chance of a relationship forming now. It’s not exact, but you get the point.

    The problem with the ‘Magic’ mindset is what has come to be known as the “Tall Girl Problem.” Let’s say you are a 6’2” woman, and you, like most women, prefer a man 3-6 inches taller. Well, you have narrowed your dating pool to a puddle. Shorter women are also dating in your puddle. So you better be flexible on height, or your other preferences, or the puddle will evaporate.

    In the ‘Magic’ mindset, you can feel like you have no options without understanding the numbers.

    There is a Catholic colloquialism that goes: “Pray as if everything depends on God. Work like everything depends on you.”

    In dating, this might go: “Hope that destiny will take care of it. Socialize to stack the odds in your favor.”

    That’s my approach. Have fun. Enjoy your life. Meet lots of people. Shoot your shot when you get the chance. No regrets.

    In other words, you can be a hopelessly romantic nerd.

    Life Update: I am back in Austin with South by Southwest going on. I honestly love the city, but, speaking of the ‘numbers game’, it seems to be all dudes living here. Not great for the dating market. A lot of locals have confirmed this. Probably because it’s a tech hub.

  • Emotional Framing – Self Doubt

    February 25th, 2024

    A friend in Austin recently chided me for not discussing my feelings in the blog. I admit guilt. I hold these pesky feelings back because of my fear of all things internet and because I tend to intellectualize everything, as evidenced by the assortment of topical posts in the blog. I will do a series of posts about the most persistent emotions and how I deal with them. Alas, let’s dive in. 

    We make most of our decisions reasoning by analogy. Which means we look at what others are doing and mimic them. Especially those that are succeeding. There is nothing inherently wrong with this method. If you don’t know what to do, following another’s lead is sensible.

    However, the people who tend to change the game and push the world forward typically reason from first principles. Unfortunately, most crazy people also reason from first principles. So, it’s kind of a high-risk, high-reward strategy.

    If everyone is telling you, “You are crazy,” there is a 90% chance you are crazy and a 10% chance you have seen something no one else has.

    Ultimately, most people prefer going down with the Titanic, knowing they made the same mistake as everyone else, rather than circumnavigating the globe in a sailboat with everyone telling them they’re gonna die alone.

    The most exciting part of this adventure for me is that it’s the first adventure I have gone on where the vision was entirely my own. I came up with it based on reasoning from first principles, knowing the full context of my life.

    This is a blessing. But, it comes with a persistent feeling of self-doubt. 

    I go to events where I know no one. I tell brand new acquaintances I am ‘nomadding’ or ‘wife-hunting.’ I have nothing to do if I don’t have the courage to find things to do and go do them. I spend nights alone. If I fail, I have nobody to blame but myself.

    In these moments, I experience self-doubt. Am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy? There may be good reasons why this is the first time anyone is doing this.

    I have had these feelings in the past. I have them now. Then it stands to reason I will likely have them in the future. So, How do I deal with them?

    The most potent tool is framing.

    Framing is the default perspective you take when finding out new information. The most recognizable of these would be the Optimist vs Pessimist. 

    The Optimist frames the world by expecting their sports team to win, bets it all on black, and ardently believes Tupac is still alive. Ironically, this makes them miserable because the world constantly falls short of their expectation.

    The Pessimist frames the world expecting to get broken up with, World War 3, and an undefeated perfect Florida State football team to get snubbed from the “playoffs” by a bunch of empty suit wearing, corporate, mother… control yourself. Again, ironically, this leads to light-heartedness because every good thing is a pleasant surprise that exceeds your expectations.

    Unfortunately, being a pessimist is hacky because we all have high hopes and dreams and it’s fake to ignore them. But we do have a choice over how we frame the emotions and experiences of life. Some frames guarantee hopelessness, helplessness, and healthlessness(I just needed another ‘h’). Other frames can transform your life.

    Some of my favorite frames: 

    • Instead of always trying to be right, I am proud of myself anytime I admit I am wrong. I’d rather have a posture of learning than be a know-it-all.
    • For first dates, rather than analyze if I am compatible with someone, I try to be curious about them and be grateful to meet a new person and learn about their life.
    • When I feel discouraged, lost, or tired, I remind myself that I signed up for this. If I’m not uncomfortable and challenged, then I am probably not growing. That’s the life I want. So, why be surprised when it’s hard?

    It’s a little self-helpy. Sounds like something out of Forrest Gump. But, it ain’t wrong.

    Life Update: Having a lot of fun in Austin a couple months in.

    Two-Stepping my way across Texas. Did a bit of Salsa too.

    Also, had a nice hike through Zilker Park.

  • Which State has the worst drivers?

    February 10th, 2024

    When I started this journey, the most surprising thing to me was how opinionated people are about which cities I should go to. Similarly, I shouldn’t be surprised because, since my youth in these United States, out-of-towners complain about the local drivers everywhere I go. 

    I remember being told at 16 by an out-of-stater that Florida drivers are the worst. I could not argue against it as it was the only place I had ever driven.

    When I went to Villanova, everyone complained about Pennsylvania drivers, though you would also hear about New Jersey and Maryland drivers being bad. That’s not even mentioning Massachusetts drivers’ nickname, the Massholes.  

    Manhattan is a whole nother beast altogether. When we went to the US Open this year, I was a passenger in one of the craziest driving displays I have ever seen. The driver swerved left across three lanes of traffic, cutting multiple people off, and coming within 3 feet of an old lady in a wheelchair while using his horn liberally. Based on his nonchalance, this appeared to be a habitual part of his driving. Something like this:

    I also heard frequent complaints about North Carolina and Texas drivers on this trip. I haven’t thought the drivers were that bad, but both states’ highways are in terrible shape. 

    North Carolina has 80% great drivers and 20% who have no idea what they are doing and where they are going. The problem in Texas is ‘everything is bigger in Texas.’ The trucks are bigger. The cars are bigger. But the roads aren’t! I feel like I am a foot away from death at all times.

    Does this hostile attitude toward local drivers come from different driving norms by state? Or is it grounded in reality that some states are just worse? Or is the USA just a generally bad-driving country?

    Let’s look at some state data. There are many rabbit holes you could analyze: rural vs urban vs highway percentages and fatality rates, police enforcement effects, or even adjusting for age demographics. But I am not sure I have the time or data for that.

    The graph below compares fatalities per 100 million miles from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety against the US News and World Report State Rankings for Road Quality. This allows you to adjust for road quality.

     I drew lines to show the top left quartile. This Quartile contains states with above-average road quality and higher-than-average road fatalities.  Or the states with the most dangerous drivers.

    South Carolina appears to have the worst drivers as it has the most fatalities per mile driven and has pretty good roads. Tennessee, Oklahoma, Florida, Montana, Kentucky, and Oregon are also contenders for the prize. I cannot think of any particular characteristic these states share that might explain the dangerous driving. Some are flat. Some are mountainous. Some are rural and others have more urban centers. Population densities are quite different between these states as well. So it probably is just the drivers.

    Surprisingly, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York, and Maryland all have crappy roads, which I can attest to, but low numbers of fatalities. I am sure I will hear all about it from my Northeastern friends. They shouldn’t be too cocky, though, because the US does rank as one of the most dangerous countries to drive in generally.

    I am not surprised Florida is high on the list. I have never thought drivers in other states were that bad because I grew up with aggressive Florida drivers. I just got used to it. My biggest complaint about North Carolina and Texas drivers is that some of them are incredibly cautious in an unpredictable way. I can consistently predict what a Florida driver will do (Hint: They’ll cut you off)

    I am sure this post will garner some strong opinions…

  • Digital Modesty

    January 28th, 2024

    Or why Gen Z political scandals will be wild.

    Many readers of this blog are disappointed, expecting it to be a series of juicy dating details and comedic fail anecdotes. The thought of that kind of blog fills me with dread for multiple reasons I will dive into.

     Instead, I went with topical posts because I struggle to ignore all the random ideas popping around my head.

    I dread sharing details not only due to my Irish Catholic “bury your feelings” mindset but also because I am a devout adherent to the virtue of digital modesty. In fact, I could be accused of being so digitally modest that I engaged in digital non-existence. Before this blog, I had hardly a post on social media in a decade.

    There is an obvious fear-based reason to limit your digital presence that every parent, teacher, and principal tries to drill into youngsters. That every text, post, and picture can be used against you in the court of public opinion for the rest of your life with no statute of limitations. It could prevent you from getting a job in the future or be used to embarrass you.

    I am quite amused at the thought of a 50-year-old Connor running for president and having to answer for all the silly things I write in this blog in a televised debate. My brain would have to be traumatically addled to make a decision that stupid. 

    Most people ignore this reason because the future is far away, and we have weak moments where we are stupid and offensive… just part of being human. But, the internet can be a mean and unforgiving place. 

    Attacking and insulting someone from behind a keyboard is as easy as a few clicks. Attacking and insulting someone to their face comes not only with a worry about getting your butt kicked but also with the guilt of seeing the pain you may cause them in their facial expression.

    The more wholesome reason to be digitally modest is that the larger your digital footprint, the less able you are to be present with others.

    If this blog were to divulge full accounts from my first dates, I would probably spend most of the time on those dates thinking about what should go into the next post. I’d secretly and quickly scribble notes for the blog as my date went into the restroom. That can hardly be a successful strategy for starting a relationship founded on trust, vulnerability, and presence.

    I imagine this principle applies to most of our digital presence. If seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time is interrupted by the thought of posting a picture of it on social media, you may have missed the moment of wonder that many experience when they first lay their eyes on it—or having ‘Like Anxiety’ after posting it. Dwelling on how many people liked your post, instead of the sky full of stars above.

    The blog has come up on a few dates. Most girls are fascinated and want to read it. One girl wanted me to write her into the blog. I told her I would anonymize her name by spelling it backward. She agreed. Unfortunately, her name is ‘Hannah.’

    In all seriousness, I like writing things a future significant other would laugh at, not be horrified by.

    Life Update: Austin has been cool, but very chilly. There are comedy clubs everywhere. Last weekend, I was doing some writing in what I thought was a coffee shop only for someone to put up a sign for an Improv Jam. It was a fun spontaneous couple of hours.

    After weathering the cold front in Austin, I took a day trip to San Antonio yesterday. And yes, I remembered the Alamo.

    Also, the River Walk is stunningly beautiful. I highly recommend.

  • Where all the kids at? Part 2

    January 13th, 2024

    As my last post so unartfully displayed, Economists have a well-earned reputation as the practitioners of the “dismal” science. The prognosis for the fertility crisis is rather bleak, but I think we will figure it out, much the way human beings solve most long-term problems.

    But first, we need to identify the causes of fertility dropping from the historical average of 5-8 births per woman to the low levels we see today. They are multi-faceted. Note that given the increase in life expectancy and decrease in childhood mortality, the fertility rate had to drop substantially to avoid living in a world with 100 billion people.

    Over the past century, Women’s education has taken off at an incredible rate. While this is probably the best social change over that time for a plethora of reasons, it also significantly negatively correlates with the number of children a woman will have. Not only have women excelled in education, but they have blown past men so rapidly that many highly educated women can’t find men that match their education level.

    However, the causes are numerous. 

    Sperm counts are cratering. Soon, the median man will be infertile. This is likely due to parabens, phthalates, and other man-made chemicals in the water supply, hygienic products, and cooking products. Men may also be less interested in dating due to testosterone rates similarly dropping. Widely available contraception has also allowed people to control fertility decisions in previously impossible ways. 

    Additionally, mimicry is a potent societal force. It used to be expected to have families with 4-7 kids, but now people raise their eyebrows when they hear that. 1-3 children has become the more standard expectation for families. 

    Student loans saddling young people with debt, exploding housing prices reducing home ownership, and the high cost of childcare are all economic issues that prevent people from feeling financially capable of raising children.

    Lastly, our current technological age has caused loneliness and breakdowns of community life. Internet communities are not adequate replacements. Historically, Most people met their significant others from their social circles. Dating apps have proven how hard it is to meet people in a more atomized individualistic world.

    It’s stunning how many forces are all pointing in the same direction. It kinda seems like modern life isn’t well suited to… well life. 

    Governments are crafting policies to turn it around, but at best, they can only affect the economic problems. Early indications are that these policies are having a minimal impact.

    Long-term collective action problems are very tricky to solve. Sometimes, technology, governments, or cultural movements can help. But, usually, they are only solved once the problem becomes so severe and painful that everyone bands together and does the work necessary to solve it.

    Far in the future, some cultural movements will probably solve it. 

    In the meantime, I see my journey as part of the search for solutions in this particular cultural moment. A moment where people are struggling to connect with one another. A moment where we find ourselves in a radically different environment than people are used to living in.

    Life Update: I am officially in Austin, Texas and started my Sketch Comedy class, which will hopefully improve my writing.

    And there are cats at the airbnb… That’s a first for me.

  • Where all the kids at? Part 1…

    December 30th, 2023

    One of my life aspirations is to be a data journalist/blogger (A chess-playing Nate Silver or something like that). Forgive me for turning you all into guinea pigs as I test out my skills.

     I am convinced the staid prose and utter lifelessness of academic and scientific writing is unnecessary. Writing poetically and analytically need not be mutually exclusive. In fact, the best analytical writing ought to be embedded within the romance of a human narrative, so long as your audience is human beings and not robots. 

    It does require trust between the writer and the audience. In this post, I will be as authentic as I can be and promise no moralism besides the hope of living in a world that continues to be inhabited by people.

    I am speaking of the Fertility Crisis. I dreaded writing the word “Crisis” as we are flooded with its use every time we engage with media. Between the pandemic, the climate crisis, AI taking over the world, and the ongoing wars overseas, some people are calling the current state of the world a polycrisis. I agree with the concept. However, I have a problem with the implications of describing the world this way. It encourages people to live in a state of panic (Which is seldom the proper response to a problem), and it also implies that intersecting crises are novel (They are part and parcel of the historical human experience). 

    I may be naive, but I believe we will make headway in many of these issues. 

    So, What is the Fertility Crisis? It is the near-universal dropping of the number of births per woman to under the replacement rate of 2.1. If a country is under 2.1 births per woman, then, in the long run, its population will grow older and eventually shrink.

    There is considerable variability by country, but only Africa is exempt thus far. East Asian countries are the worst affected. Japan’s (1.3) and China’s(1.1) populations are already shrinking, which will only accelerate in the coming decades. South Korea has the lowest rate of 0.8 births per woman. This statistic implies for every 100 great-grandparents, there will be four great-grandchildren—a drop of 96%.

    Europe (1.5) is not quite as bad and the USA (1.8) is better still. Immigration also makes up for the deficit, though most countries immigrants come from are on the same downward trajectory.

    Many argue there are already too many people on the planet, probably sweating in the sweltering heat sitting in traffic. So, what’s wrong with a global population decrease?

    Well, there are economic issues associated with a simultaneous decrease in the workforce and an increase in retirees. The tax burden on workers will doubly increase, the number of workers will be insufficient to care for the elderly population, and asset values could collapse from inadequate demand.

    There are societal issues with a lack of workers to provide essential services for the continuation of society. Nurses, police officers, bus drivers, military personnel, and many other jobs will face shortages, making it difficult for a country to operate. Many worry about societal collapse.

    The technological progress needed to reduce poverty and improve environmental sustainability will likely slow down due to a decline in the absolute numbers and the proportionality of tech workers. Essential services could suck up an ever higher proportion of total workers.

    To me, the saddest of all is the lack of youthfulness. It would be a rather dim world if there were disproportionately more crotchety adults like me and fewer kids discovering the world anew. 

    In the next post, I will go through the causes of the crises and the potential solutions.

    I am headed to Austin Texas next weekend after a nice holiday break in Orlando.

  • What have I learned?

    December 16th, 2023

    I needed a break. So I took a trip away from my trip to London to catch a few soccer matches, some plays, and see an old friend from the Camino. I also caught covid on the way back. Nonetheless, it gave me time to reflect on how it had gone so far. 

    I am 6 months and two cities in. I was hoping for a quick resolution to my journey, fixing this blog’s reputation as not only silly but also exceedingly brief. 

    Alas, failure is failure. But, it is also a learning opportunity, fun, and all part of the process. I am perfectly satisfied to be patient and keep on grinding. Along the way, I’m meeting many people, seeing more of the country, and pushing myself outside the usual comfort zone. 

    Quality of Life: 

    I initially imagined working most days at Coffee shops (despite my dislike of coffee) to be more social and connected to the area. In actuality, I have spent more time working at my Airbnb due to the convenience and the difficulty of remote meetings in a public place. However, I did come across a remote workers’ office in Raleigh where you can rent a desk next to other remote workers. I will look into this at my next stop. 

    Where to meet people: 

    I have done well setting up a weekly schedule where I regularly see my soccer teammates, volleyball teammates, improv class, and pickup ultimate frisbee. The routine helps me feel connected to a community. I also went to Notre Dame, FSU, and Arsenal game-watches for one-off events and met some cool people. I need to put more effort into non-sports-related activities in the next city. Sporty chicks are great, but I think it’s limiting my pool. There is a website called Meetup.com where groups of people with common interests will schedule events. I am considering joining a book club or a creative writing class. The key is doing things you enjoy regardless of whether you meet anyone. Going to a social event solely hoping to meet someone is dreadful. 

    Meeting new people: 

    What I simultaneously dreaded and looked forward to most was all the awkward social situations I encountered. Going to parties, the movie theater, sports, or wherever else by myself and not knowing a soul is irrationally daunting. Walking up to new people and striking up a conversation literally has no stakes. Half the time, it will be a good conversation and maybe a new friendship. The other half of the time goes nowhere. But who cares? There are no consequences to having a bad social interaction in a random city. I have gotten better at it, but it’s still draining, so I try to give myself some nights to relax. 

    Standards: 

    My standards have not changed. Regarding dating apps, the best strategy is to be very selective; otherwise, it’s a huge waste of time and emotional energy. In real life, I am open to hanging out with anyone who will make the time and is present. 

    Mindset: 

    Some people have interpreted my journey as a sign of desperation or trying too hard. People say, “You’ll only find her once you stop looking.” Statistically, that seems crazy to me, but I think there is an underlying point that you don’t want to press. Generally, I’m not very anxious and am pretty relaxed with most people I meet. I’d like to meet someone, but I’m perfectly fine being patient. 

    Taking Peoples Advice:

    People have strong opinions on my journey. I love hearing them! Sometimes, they change my mind or give me a new perspective. Often, they run counter to my values and experiences. Keep sharing your advice! Just don’t be offended if I don’t heed it.

    Tiles from the British Museum from the middle ages that depicted Jesus as a prankster. I found them amusing. And below my friend and I at the Fulham match at Craven Cottage.

  • An ode to odes

    November 22nd, 2023

    Two of my core fears are being inauthentic and being unoriginal. So, you can imagine my reaction to the annual question: “What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?” It feels untruthful to answer it if I am not feeling gracious at that moment. It’s also unoriginal because everyone I know lists the same three things: Family, Friends, and Florida State being 11-0 in Football. If it’s asked on Thanksgiving day, I am probably answering stuffing (Which should be socially acceptable year round!). I mean, what else is there…

    Despite the utter perilousness of answering this simple question, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There is something about Gratitude that seems essential for human flourishing. 

    This time of year brings out many articles extolling gratitude’s benefits on mental health, physical health, and virtually everything else. Gratitude is nearly universally recognized in different religious and cultural traditions. If it is so great, why do we often get stuck in resentment and complaining?

    For one, Human beings are primarily good at identifying and solving problems. Spending time being self-satisfied is not useful. The hustle never stops. But secondly, gratitude is not meant to be verbalized. There is nothing cathartic about making a list of positive things. You could just as easily list negative things in life and turn it into pros vs cons. Scary to dwell on if your cons list is longer than your pros.

    Ultimately, gratitude is an experience. That’s why it’s best expressed as a holiday and a communal meal. We can all come together and be present with the people we are most connected to.

    Doing this blog and journey has been a vulnerable experience, as I really do hate drawing attention to myself. This can be attested by my 0 social media posts in the preceding ten years. But, it has come with the great reward of connecting with lots new people and has deepened many of my existing relationships.

    Life Update:

     I have returned to Orlando for Thanksgiving and am planning on staying through the Holidays. I am deciding whether to go to Austin or Dallas next starting in January. I am also debating putting it up as a poll and letting the readers decide for me. For now, I am leaning towards Austin.

    I really liked Raleigh. Experiencing fall as a Floridian is always a treat. It changes the way you experience time passing in a way that Florida just doesn’t have. 

    I met many cool people and there were many more girls there that were closer to what I am looking for. 

    I went to the Florida State Wake Forest game with a friend who came up from Florida.

    My Volleyball team “Spikea” is full of awesome people and we were really good until we got to the playoffs both seasons.

    These are some pictures of the beautiful Duke Chapel. I got to so to some football games there, but couldn’t get a ticket for basketball.

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